You ever have that funny friend, the class-clown type, who one day just stopped being funny around you? Did it make you think they were depressed? Because it’s far more likely that, in reality, that was the first time they were comfortable enough around you to drop the act.
Honestly, I almost reblogged something last night about this and I couldn’t quite articulate properly what I was trying to get out, so I deleted the reblog. I don’t identify so much with being a comedian, as the writer of this article so brilliantly expresses it. But I do identify with, and what I was struggling to try and get out last night was, the concept of the “just ask for help” mentality being (while well-intended) is completely and totally off.
I’ve talked openly enough about it, and those particularly close to me know much more in detail, but I was pretty dangerously depressed at the end of last year. Dangerously as in I was a danger to myself. Absolutely. I’ve truthfully never had intentionally suicidal tendencies, and I did not then. But there are other things and other ways, and I had those things and those ways.
I also, as I have regularly made know, fully understand the desperation of loving someone on an intentionally self destructive (in the realest sense) path, and had to learn the hard way that the struggle was one within said person entirely. Depression is a disease. Anxiety can be a profoundly medical condition. People who die by their own doing are victims of suicide. These are not things you can understand unless you have experienced them personally. I know that all of the posting of the suicide hotline and the “please just ask for help” message comes from a good place. But try and understand that it’s just not quite right. The bigger picture and the bigger question is our society shifting how it addresses mental illness on the whole.
This article is rawly written for a reason, and I think it’s done perfectly. I’m so glad someone said it and said it in this way, because I couldn’t think where to begin.
So, yeah, if you’re out there and are feeling down, here’s the national suicide hotline. I’ve been told it’s great, by the numerous people I know who’ve called it. But I guess my larger point is that if you know somebody who might be at risk but you’ve been denying it because they’re always smiling and joking around, for the love of God, wake the fuck up. They don’t know how to ask for help because they don’t know how to relate, because when you’ve lived behind that wall long enough, you completely lose the ability. “Well, I tried to help him, but he was kind of a dick about it.” Right, that’s what it looks like.